it hurts.

hey bloggie long time no see huh? 

so sorry for not posting anything lately. 

hum. just let's go straight into the main topic.

my boyfriend and I broke up and I can't forget him.

it's like.. it sucks. so damn fucking sucks. 

I don't know what should I do to make this kind of feelings gone. 

I just. I'm trying, ok? but then I realized, I can't do it. at the first time. 

I thought "it's alright. it will be just fine" but then it's not. 

well, it was just one month and a half I think. 

it's not like it was already one year or something, it's not like we had so much memories together or what. but why I can't forget him? 

being in this kind of relationship with him is also a kind of impossible for me. 

I never thought that I could be with him. 

I admired him, for such a long time. I'm just keep it shut. so noone know. HA. 

I also don't like being in such a long distance relationship. but wth I can do it if it's with him. ofc I missed him. I want to met him. but, even thou it was like that, I still love(d) him. up till now I guess. 

there was a time when we already broke up, he told me, 'I can't be with you' and when I knew that, I thought "this should be the reason I must start to let him go" but it didn't work. 

I asked him what should I do so I can forget you? 

but he replied, "I didn't say you should forget me" that's weird. 

he knows what I feel about him. 

ah! but maybe he doesn't know that I SUFFER from this feeling I have to him. 

It's not fair. he can be happy right now. 

and there is me, who still struggling to find a way to make this feeling stop. 

I don't the fucking know what the heck that I want. 

I don't know what the hell that I'm waiting for. 

I don't know anything that is wrong with my feelings. 

I just want this to stop. I just can't stand this kind of suffering anymore. It hurts me too much. 

 I can still be happy. 

but when I'm alone there's something wrong with me. there's something broken and it's permanent. 

I can forget about the hole in my chest, but it's not going to be disappear. 

and that's the reason why I'm still like this until now.

because I don't know what thing will make that hole disappear.